Sunday, August 2, 2009

The K-Labs Crew plays Monopoly

I've been focusing pretty much all my writing efforts this week on the comic itself. Bobbes's Big Day has the potential to be one of the funniest chapters in Moron County's history, and I want to make sure it meets that potential. So, today, I'm giving you another classic Buzz Comix story, wherein Clyde, Bobbes, Fred, and Francis play a game of Monopoly. It takes place sometime before the Saint Sancho's arc. Enjoy!

(Clyde, Bobbes, Fred, and Francis are all playing a board game.)

BOBBES: G… Eight…

CLYDE: Bobbes, we’re playing Monopoly.

FRANCIS: Okay, my turn. (rolls a dice). Seven. (moves his piece). Ooh! Chance! (Picks up a card). You win a beauty contest and… get AIDS?! Trade your racecar for Fred’s thimble, or die a painful death. What the…?

FRED: Oooh. Better do what it says! If you die you lose your money. Also, I think there’s a rule on the back of the box that says I can kick you in the nuts.

CLYDE: Give me that.

(Clyde swipes the card from Francis.)

CLYDE: This card has clearly been vandalized with a permanent marker.

FRED: Lies! Lies and slander!

CLYDE: Let me see the rest of these.

(Clyde picks up the cards and starts going through them.)

CLYDE: You are being booked on tax evasion. Give all your money to Fred for safekeeping. Uncle Moneybags touched you inappropriately. Automatically forfeit your turn to Fred. When did you do this?!

FRED: Oh, right. Like I break into your house at night and tamper with all your board games so I’ll have a better chance of winning when we play them. What kind of pathetic loser do you take me for?!

BOBBES: Yahtzee!

(Everyone looks at Bobbes.)

FRANCIS: He’s just in his own little world, isn’t he?

CLYDE: Okay… this one’s just creepy. Take off your clothes and dance for Fred?!

FRED: Hey! Someone like Jessica Alba, or Liv Tyler, or your brother’s hot fiancĂ© might play Monopoly with me one day. I am now prepared for that eventuality.

FRANCIS: Fred? Do you honestly think about the things you say? Or is it all just a big game of improvisational madlibs you play in your head?

FRED: You know what? Screw this. It’s my turn now.

(Fred rolls a twenty-sided die from Dungeons and Dragons).

FRED: Ha! Nineteen! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! I landed on the “Fred wins instantly” space!

CLYDE: You’re in jail!

FRED (pulls out a permanent marker and starts scribbling on the board): FRED… WINS… INSTANTLY…

(Bobbes rolls some dice.)

BOBBES: Yes! Triple word score!

(Bobbes pulls out a scrabble bag and starts throwing letters on the board.)

CLYDE: Bobbes, for the last time, this is Monopoly! (Clyde frantically tries to keep the various hotels and houses in place despite the chaos).

FRANCIS: Oh, just let him have his fun. This game’s pretty much shot to hell anyway.

FRED: You know, this wouldn’t have happened if we had played Risk like I wanted.

CLYDE: Fred, the last time we played Risk, you screamed “Napoleon shall rise again,” knocked all the pieces off the board, and ran off.

FRED: I’m just sayin’, is all…